2nd september 2020
Podcast #31: Dealing With Criticism - How To Deal With Others' Opinions Easily Without It Impacting You + 4 Golden Tips
Is this something you have felt? An opinion or criticism from someone else can bother you for hours or sometimes even days and completely ruin your mood and flow.
In this podcast you will discover: how you can easily deal with criticism from others so that it no longer puts you off balance.
Then after this podcast you will understand what criticism really is and how you can deal with it more easily.
So that the next time someone gives their honest opinion, you can easily put it aside, out of love and with a smile on your face.
Welcome to Podcast #31!
It’s amazing that you are listening again! If you are here for the first time, you are very welcome! Nice to meet in this way.
Today's podcast actually originated from a question I got from a sweet, loyal podcast listener.
And so before we start I also want to inspire you right away. Do you have certain topics that you would like to know more about from my expertise, or would you simply like to hear my angle, vision and energetic perspective? Let me know via: email@example.com Who knows, I may also make a podcast about your question or subject. That way, your challenges can immediately help, support and inspire hundreds and even thousands of other people. How beautiful is that!
The dilemma and challenge of one listener that I’ll be discussing today is the following: you are dealing with family and friends in your environment, who all radiate a certain vibe or energetic frequency that does not match your own.
Some people have such a heavy, negative appearance and carry so much heaviness that it can have a huge impact on your own energy, mood and general well-being. Communication at that low level can also influence you enormously if you do not know how to deal with it.
The most logical (and most natural) reaction is: avoid people with low vibes and negative attitudes. This is written into your primal programming, that you move very naturally away from pain and discomfort and will always move towards pleasure.
But what if it is family, which you cannot ignore at certain times from decency. Even if only because you don't want to disappoint other family members who are dear to you?
What do you do if you are sensitive to the opinions of others? Those people who give unsolicited criticism and commentary on your life, situations and circumstances. People who think they are allowed to interfere with your life and also think they can tell you what they think about what you are doing.
We all know it right?
Well, at least I do. Both on a private and business level. I remember that at the beginning of my spiritual development I was afraid to tell some people what I was doing. Purely because I was afraid they would disapprove, judge me, or think I was strange or crazy.
So yes, I also started looking for ways to teach myself how to deal with this.
Fortunately, during my many years of spiritual development and training in English mediumship, I was somewhat well prepared for what was to come. That as a pioneer in this field you are going to get a lot of opinions on what you are doing. So I knew what to expect.
However, the first step is to accept yourself. I had to see myself as a medium. Only then did I dare to step out of my own shadow.
During my training in England by Mavis Pittilla we almost always got the question: ‘Who is a medium’? I remember in the beginning that I did not dare to raise my hand. I was so convinced that I was not yet good enough to call myself a medium.
But over the years I felt more powerful and more secure in my energy and ability. And I remember, a few years ago at one point in Manchester, people were asked: ‘Who is …’ and even before the sentence was finished I almost jumped up, with my arm as high as possible in the air!
That is the certainty that Tony Robbins always talks about.
I now know in every cell of my body what I can do, that I am a medium and so much more. If you radiate that certainty from an energetic point of view, then honestly, it will be widely accepted by others.
And if people disagree, that's fine too. Believe in it or don't believe in it. I always hope you find something that works for you, because that's what it's all about.
So this is a good moment to ask yourself: do I radiate certainty? Do I radiate certainty when I talk about what I do or what I stand for?
Certainty is your truth, is what you stand for. Nothing or no one can ignore that. Your qualities, your talent, your expertise, your passion, your love.
I want to give you a very personal example of a dear family member who initially touched me very much with a comment.
Years ago I went through a difficult situation that made me want to change my whole life. I talk about this in podcast # 30 last week.
Everyone tried to talk to me. But it was mainly my father who touched me. I now understand where his words came from and that ultimately love for me was the basic emotion for making the statement. But at that moment it hit my heart very hard.
I had been in my practice for a number of years but he never believed in the spiritual side, so not in everything I did. Which is fine in itself. But then he said in an overly concerned moment: ‘But Lisette, there is not a penny to be earned in that business …’.
My mouth actually fell open in surprise. Precisely because my intention of what I do comes purely from my heart, from the deep soul desire to help, support and guide people. My approach was (and is) to serve people from my real, pure authentic self and in this way be able and allowed to contribute to the greater whole.
That is the exchange of energy and with that you automatically set the other exchange of energy in motion and that is money. Money is just a way of exchanging energy and is always on the move, my way, your way - there is enough for everyone. Now and always. That is how I think about it.
But at that moment I felt enormous pain in my heart, especially because my intention was ignored. I was not seen for who I was, for what I did, for my qualities. And let’s be honest, everyone ultimately wants approval from the ones most dear to you, right ?!
I wanted nothing more than to have my dad proud of me. He had never said it to me. I did feel it now and then, but really you want to hear it.
I knew by now that the comment was purely based on fear. He grew up in a family where everything revolved around money and prestige. Of course I was also given parts of that, but I had the choice to do what I really wanted … and that's where this comment came from! He didn't have that choice, so that was projected onto me at that point.
No more and no less. And that is the core of the story.
Everything said by others to you is purely a projection of their own inner world of experience. It has nothing to do with you!
The moment you see that, then you can hear something but it no longer comes in to wound. Instead you can immediately bounce it back as if you were a mirror that they are looking into. You bounce it right back and it cannot hit you.
So again, what someone else thinks of you says everything about that person and nothing about you! It is purely their world of experience that is projected onto you. You press certain buttons that they may perceive as scary or threatening. And boom, there is a response. It is then up to you what you do with it.
I will give a few sentences and examples of how you can react when the attack is launched directly at you, so you know how you can turn it around immediately. You can also read this in the show notes of this episode at: www.LisetteLucas.com/31
First, I just want to tell you a little bit about what happened at the beginning of the year, between my father and I. After his comments I just continued to develop and grow, including creating my first podcast at the beginning of 2020. I thought, I'm going to let my parents listen to the podcast first. And yes, as you’d expect, I found it very exciting. I had sent an explanation of what a podcast was and added: you have to press the ‘play’ button and turn the volume up haha … The nerves were screaming through my body, I can still feel it when I think about it. My mum is my biggest fan but my dad struggles with aspects of what I do, so I was prepared for a critique. But then it happened. Suddenly after 20 minutes I received a text message from my father that said: “I pressed the play button and listened speechlessly. Complete a quarter of an hour, that's quite a bit, I'm proud of you that you dare to do that and hope for a great response. Dad"
Well, you understand, tears were running down my cheeks ... I think this is what every child, every person wants to hear. I feel blessed to have received this from my father because actually I am very proud of him too. He has grown with me and has opened himself up to my development and growth, even though this was a totally new realm outside of his learned core values. This causes fear and resistance in most people. He has overcome that and now knows that I am safe - because truly that's what his comments were all about.
But as I say this I know that many of you probably won't hear this from whoever you would most like to hear from. Shortly after this special text message, I spoke to a dear friend who lost his father when he was in his early 20's. I asked: have you ever heard your father say that he is proud of you? No, he said, and I felt the grief in his voice.
Sadly there are so many times where it is not possible, for whatever reason, to hear what you would most like to hear from loved ones. Maybe because you are no longer with them, or there is no contact or because the person is simply not there to say it.
From a therapeutic perspective, I would like to give you the following tips and tools:
As a child you are dependent on parents or the people who take care of you. They are your source of survival, your safety and that is why you usually put them on a pedestal. Purely from survival programming. But when you are an adult you no longer need them purely for survival principles. Who do you think is the best parent for you from then on? Who knows exactly what you need? … Well guess what? That's you!!! You are the one who can take the best care of yourself from this moment on! You don't need anyone else for that! So shall we agree on that from now on? Yes? Okay, here it comes, repeat after me, out loud or in your mind: I'm the perfect parent for myself from now on! I know exactly what I want, I know exactly what I need and I can give it to myself any time of the day. Because I am the best and most ideal parent for myself. Now and at any time. I give myself love, attention, warmth, freedom, joy, security, strength and compassion. I am proud of myself, I am so proud of myself! I am beautiful! I am powerful, I am so, so destined to be here! I am very proud of myself! I know I am here for a reason, and I follow my heart and soul to realise my dreams, wishes and potential.
If necessary, write this down, repeat it several times a day, say it dancing, jumping, walking, and feel it all over your body. Let it become one with you. Very well! Don't underestimate the power of this exercise! For when you know, in every cell of your being that you are the most ideal parent for yourself then you will never feel alone, never be lonely again and you can take on the world because you know that you are enough and more than worth it as you are! Criticising yourself breaks you down, praising yourself builds you up, so praise yourself day in, day out!
You decide what you do / don’t let in. You have free will. So you can say with every comment that comes from the outside: I choose not to let it in.
You can visualise yourself holding a hand mirror, you are not looking at your own reflection, rather you have it facing away from you like a shield. You hold the mirror to the person who is saying something. You do this from love because you are pure love. So you reflect in love what that person gives you- because you can see now that the person simply doesn’t know any better, and an extra dose of love is what they really need. And through the mirror they receive back what they send the other.
And that's why I always say. Send love to everyone, even your greatest earth enemy … (if you have one), because what you send someone else you will receive back!
Give everyone the best, really, believe me! Give it a try, go and practice! Send love, happiness, joy, gratitude for the experience and … you will receive it back and even more beautifully than you could have imagined beforehand!
Here are some sentences you can say that I learned from Marisa Peer.
Suppose someone says something unkind, well you can say in a powerful yet calm way: ‘Can you please repeat that?’.
You often see them droop with their (imaginary) tail between their legs.
Or if someone says something unkind just to provoke a reaction, simply answer:
‘Thanks for sharing’.
And then let a silence fall.
That's like being asked to join a tennis match with someone you know regularly cheats, meaning you don't much feel like playing. So when they hit the ball hard over the net, you simply don’t hit it back … and the game is over. It’s all finished. Thus the behaviour stops immediately.
So reply with: Thanks for sharing … and let that awkward silence fall on the other. So simple but so powerful!
Such techniques and tactics when you apply them make you bulletproof!
This way, nothing and no one can hit you - simply because you choose not to let it in.
So from now on you know how to deal with criticism. It says everything about the person who is criticising and nothing about you at all.
Repeat daily that you are proud of yourself! In any case, I am very proud of you! Because you are a real Energy Joyer - you choose joy! And in situations that may be somewhat challenging, you keep your smile on your face. Just slightly curl the corners of your mouth upwards, and you immediately shift your state to the EnergyJoy frequency. Choose to live in the frequency of EnergyJoy and beyond! With your joy vibe you leave a trail of joyous vibes that transform and heal lives. Simply by being who you are. How beautiful is that? So step into that certainty - you are here for a reason and you are so important. The more you shine, the more love you can reflect on to others. That makes life bigger and more beautiful than you could ever have imagined! At least, that's how it feels to me- shift with me, you are worth it!
My last tip: go to www.LisetteLucas.com/31 and write your tips down somewhere so you can make it your own.
Make the commitment with yourself to apply it actively for the next 3 weeks. Then it becomes automated and part of who you are and what you do. And then you are automatically an example for many!
Good luck and go for it!
Until next time!
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