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28th april 2020

 

Lisette Lucas

Script:

Welcome to Podcast #13

 

"Self-love: Learn to love yourself and transform your life."

 

Great that you are listening! First, I'm going to tell you what you'll discover in this podcast:

 

  • The core of not feeling lovable 

  • What effect patterns and beliefs can have on your life

  • I give some examples of world famous icons

  • The power of the mind at a young age

  • That you cannot change what the mind does not understand

  • How feeling loved and lovable affects your frequency and energy

  • How you can manifest whatever you want

 

+ My special Bonus: a powerful meditation for self-love. 

+ I'll reveal my dream come true later in this podcast!

 

The feeling that you are not loved, or not lovable enough has an effect on everything you do. Your self-esteem, your job, your relationships, your outlook on life. Everything is affected by the feeling of not being lovable and not loved enough. 

 

Feeling that you are not loved and lovable is very difficult because it means that you feel that you are not worthy to receive love. As a result you may struggle to attract the right love to you or have difficulty maintaining loving long-term relationships. It can also mean that you stay in the wrong relationship, maybe out of fear that you will not find someone else. 

 

I have spoken of Marisa Peer in a previous podcast, among many things she is the creator of RTT (which stands for Rapid Transformational Therapy). I am trained and certified in RTT and it is a hugely powerful therapy that has won numerous awards for the life-changing transformations it brings.

 

Marisa has a wealth of experience and has worked with many big names worldwide. But even the biggest, most successful pop stars, artists, actors or directors, who seem to have all the success, money and luck, turned out to have the same problem as many people. 

 

It’s also something I see with a lot of clients who undergo a session with me. At the subconscious level, it turns out to be the foundation, the core of the problems, which they may have to deal with as an adult. Problems like: lack of progression in their career; or a struggle to charge the appropriate rate for their work; it could also be the reason why they keep attracting the wrong person in relationships, or get stuck in a relationship that is neither good nor healthy for them, with all the painful consequences that entails. 

 

As you can see the feeling of not being lovable enough, not being loved enough, not worth it, is a limiting belief that can completely sabotage your life. It can keep you spinning in vicious circles without knowing why. Despite the fact that you want to change things so badly, you just can't put your finger on why you can’t.

 

But everything changes when you know that you are worthy, or better still: when you feel in every cell of your body that you are worthy, that you are loved, that you are lovable and that you are good enough. 

 

It is the essential ingredient for happiness. 

 

If you can't love yourself then nothing can make you happy, and when nothing makes you happy, then nothing really matters. You can keep trying to fill the void by buying more and more things, but then you’ll discover that even though your house is getting filled, the void isn’t. 

 

There are, of course, other ways to try and feel lovable and worthy: by working hard, being successful, earning lots of money, getting recognition and trying to be loved through the work you do. But in the end it also turns out that this is not enough to fill a certain void. 

 

A well-known example of this is Marilyn Monroe, who was abandoned by both her parents as a young girl. As a small baby aged just two weeks, she was already in a foster family. Her relationship with her biological mother was very unstable. She always felt very unloved and tried to seek love outside herself; by putting herself in the spotlight, literally and figuratively exposing herself. As well as multiple attempts to form loving relationships. Anything to fill that void, to fill that feeling of being unworthy, unlovable. 

 

Another famous example is Princess Diana, who, as a young girl of only 6 years old, was abandoned by her mother after a divorce and custody drama. Leading her to live with her father and stepmother. 

 

I have always loved Princess Diana, admired her for who she was. Her softness, her somewhat shy nature, her energy, her strength. Her love for children, her charity work, her style. She was not called Queen of Hearts for nothing. Yet it turned out, an essential thing was missing (something she struggled with all her life) visibly and invisibly, she felt she was not lovable. 

 

Now, speaking of closer to home: our own newest family member. Recently we have gotten a beautiful little kitten. Her name is Thunder and I can tell you, she lives up to her name, and is a great bolt of energy. When we got her (fulfilling my teenage daughter's greatest wish by the way), she was such a small, sweet, naughty, brave, tough kitty. She turned everything upside down, climbed on my mirrors on the wall, saw the plants as a playground, the value of the object didn't matter. She feels completely happy because every little kitten knows from the moment it is born that she is lovable. She knows at her core she is loved, also this belief is helped by the flood of love we give her. Despite the fact that she occasionally hangs in the curtains and regularly overturns flower vases because, as a jaguar-like Bengal kitten, she likes to fish with her paw in the water. 

Despite all that, she continues to believe she’s loved (as she is) and will grow up to be a happy, content cat who is brimming with confidence and knows to her core that she is so loved. But what if she did something naughty and was rebuked over and over again. Hearing screams or worse, she'd huddle in a corner of the room or behind the couch, don't you think? Thinking she's not loved, leading to a host of consequences. 

 

As babies, we are all born with the full and strong conviction that we are loved, that we are enough, that we are the most beautiful, funniest and most lovable creatures in the whole world. 

 

And then things happen, we hear things, we get punished or scolded for something that we as a child usually cannot do much about. After all, we were just kids. Yet we are compared to others. We have to shut up, be quiet, or stop crying. 

 

Then we begin to doubt that happy feeling we came into the world with. We start to believe that we are not loved and lovable enough. Not good enough. And sometimes we even come to believe that we are not loved at all, nothing about us is lovable, and we are worth nothing at all. 

 

What happens is that the people who raise us start saying things like: ‘Why can't you be like your brother? He always has homework done on time and gets perfect grades in school.’; or ‘Why can't you be like your sister? She always helps out in the kitchen and tidies up neatly.’; or, ‘Why can't you be like your niece? At least she eats her food neatly and doesn't make a mess’. 

 

Alternatively, you might have been happy and proud with your school report, but having shown it to your parents are immediately told: ‘But why do you have a B and not an A for sports? Your father was always so good at that.’; or ‘Why weren't you asked to star in the musical and your girlfriend was?’. 

 

So many kids who did their absolute best, who got 93%, are told (usually by their parents); ‘Why didn't you do better, why didn't you get 100%? The neighbour's daughter got an A’. 

 

As a child, only one thing is important: the love and acceptance of your family.That is to say the people who raise you, your parents, your caregivers, the ones who should give you what you need. Who should protect you, nurture, love, pamper you, comfort you and the ones who should make you feel with irreversible conviction that you are loved, that you are so, so lovable and that you are absolutely worth it. 

 

As a child, you rely blindly on the care of your parents, they are your only source of survival. That is why I also hear about children who have nightmares, or very bad dreams, for example about their parents dying in an accident. These are subconscious fears that reside in our system as a kind of primal programming. 

 

As a child you have to stay with your parents, you have to stay with your pack, this is programming from the time when we lived in tribes. Otherwise, the chances were you would not survive. So for a child, there is nothing worse than a parent who is absent, leaves, or abandons a child. 

 

Who then takes care of the child? Parents are the source of survival and so children will always adore and place parents on a pedestal while they are growing up. Until the time of detachment and maturing comes. Then they no longer need the parents as a physical source of survival. But often a lot has already happened. 

 

Too often parents are busy and have their own problems. Now, as an adult, for example, you know that someone who drinks too much is an alcoholic or someone who takes antidepressants is likely to be depressed. 

 

But if that person happened to be just your parent or caregiver. Then you didn't think: ‘Oh, Daddy has an alcohol problem that comes from childhood problems he never solved. That has nothing to do with me’. No, as a small, dependent child, longing for attention, love and recognition, you thought: ‘My father is often home late and he has no time for me. He never says goodnight to me and when I want to say goodbye, my mother tells me to leave it because he already has so much on his mind’.

 

A child’s logic works like this: ‘Oh, my father is busy and does not want to see me. He is very tired and often sharp with me. He's not interested in me, it must be because of me. I may be too much for him. He may be tired because of me. And he doesn't want to see me because I'm not nice enough. You see, he doesn't love me. I am not worthy and I am not good enough, I am not like other children’. 

 

Having reached this conclusion, a child will try to reach a resolution, perhaps: ‘I'm going to do my very best. I'm going to make sure he doesn't bother me anymore, I'm going to make sure that I'm not a burden; and then he'll probably love me’. 

 

That’s when a belief forms as a child that you have to behave differently, that you have to do your best to be loved. That you have to help excessively, that it is better not to talk about your emotions because your parent has enough on his or her mind. And that you have to always do your best so that you may receive love that way. 

 

Or that it might be wise to 'please' the other person, to give the other everything they want, because then he or she will probably love you. 

 

The child will grow up to adulthood continuing to act out the childhood pattern. The belief is deeply rooted, deeply embedded. The belief created with the mind and life experience of a 7-year-old has become a 'normal' behaviour. Often the child, who has grown up in the meantime, no longer even knows where and when the behaviour originated. It has become part of who they think they are. The child won’t know exactly which conviction, as a 7-year-old, was very cleverly linked to the belief. Back then it was a 7-year-old survival strategy, now in adulthood it has become a limiting belief.

 

The pattern, the belief has become a lifestyle, a habit, a way of adapting to others, just to be seen, just to gain some form of appreciation and respect. The adult lives, in this example, with the conviction that: ‘If I just give the other person everything of myself and receive everything then he or she will probably love me’. Personal boundaries are completely blurred and the role the person has taken has nothing to do with that beautiful, loved, funny, happy baby. 

 

Love for self has made way for: 'I have to give myself away to someone else to be able to receive love.' Uncertainty, doubt, feeling unloved and not lovable enough are the result.

 

In my practice I almost always end up with this core. It could be a very small thing, something that is often repeated. For example: ‘How can you be so stupid that you don't understand?’. If that is repeated often enough by your parents, day in, day out, you will naturally believe it. After all, the mind learns through repetition. I always say to my children, if they do something silly: ‘That is not very smart’. Then you plant in their mind  you are smart, but that behaviour is not, rather than the belief they are stupid. 

 

Recently one of my children dropped a glass on the granite kitchen floor at the busiest time of the day. When you are cooking in the evening, with tons of pans on the stove, the and everyone is tired after a long day; then bam: thousands of small shards of glass on ground right where a small kitten can walk through. I saw that Dad wanted to respond like most people do at the end of a busy working day. But I saw, as I turned around, the energy of my child changed. While I stood in front of the stove, pots on the stove, my first reaction was: ‘Doesn't matter honey, that happens to the best of us! It happened to me recently, everything is okay, and shards bring good luck! Look how much luck we now have!’. Immediately after making that comment, I saw a weight fall off my child's shoulders and the energy immediately changed and relaxed. I was able to avoid the boiling point reaction of my father. Then laughing, we cleared and swept up the shards together, before going for a delicious meal together. 

 

It's essential as parents (namely as adults who bear the responsibility) to watch our actions. Especially the small words that we repeat day after day. 

 

In a transformation session, you go back on a subconscious level to a scene, time or event where a blockage has arisen. That realisation: where it originated, how and when it originated, is often a very emotional and huge transforming moment. 

 

This is because when you don't understand why you feel the way you feel, then you can't change it. But if you suddenly understand where it originated, you can transform it and leave it behind for good. You can be liberated. Free to be the person you are naturally meant to be.

 

How wonderful is that! 

 

Then you discover that the basis of everything lies with yourself. That loving yourself is key to anything you want to achieve in life. Love, happiness, work, career, friendships, growth, development and health. 

 

If you learn to love yourself again, your life will transform. Then you let go of what no longer serves you and you attract what you do deserve. 

 

People who have invisibly tattooed on their foreheads: "Please, love me, please, I beg you", will naturally repel love. 

 

But as you learn to love yourself just the way you are, with your beautiful and less beautiful bits (after all, we all have those). You will get an invisible tattoo on your forehead saying: 'I am lovable, I am powerful, I am loved and I know that I am so worthy'.

 

And then you will notice: your life will change, because you attract what you radiate. You will become magnetic, and a super attractor. Our thoughts are energy, you radiate