17th march 2021
Podcast 59. Self-Sabotage, How To Get Rid Of It + 3 Self-Sabotage Pillars to Shift
Do you recognise this? You are planning to do something new and without realising it you are sabotaging yourself.
This repetitive behaviour is called: Self-sabotage! And yes … we all do it!
In this podcast I give you 3 pillars that help you discover how you sabotage yourself and why.
So that from now on you can instantly recognise it, transform it and be free to live the life you deserve.
Welcome to Podcast 59!
Today's podcast is about self-sabotage. Sounds intense but I can tell you - I was an absolute champion at it, many of my clients and students do it and yes, I can say you do it too. Or rather: we all do it!
Hmmmm … you may be thinking now, but what is it exactly?
The show notes of this episode can be found at www.lisettelucas.com/59
I always say to myself that self-sabotage is keeping myself 'seemingly safe'.
For example, I used to stick to safe behaviour. Behaviour in which I did not attract new situations and circumstances. Because if you don't change anything in your life, nothing can disappoint, scare or hurt you, right?
I said no to a lot and often thought last minute … let’s not take that step in the direction of my dreams and wishes. Just imagine if it doesn’t turn out well, that would be a huge disappointment. So no, let’s not do that. For if I did do it, then maybe I'd feel even worse afterwards than I feel now …
Such a typical 'seemingly safe' thought. Because what if you do take that step in the direction of your wishes and dreams and it does turn out well?!?
The fact you even have wishes and dreams means that you are not in the place with the circumstances that you desire, right?
So why not take that step and believe all those "excuses" or basically lies you tell yourself.
Oh, that's not for me …
I'm not good enough to do that ...
What will they think of me … ?!
That is not for me …
Who am I to even believe it's available to me?
I will never be able to …
I'm not worth that ...
They already see me coming …
Just act normal dude … then you act crazy enough …
Why am I not satisfied with what I have?
Well - recognisable? Maybe one or more of these thoughts are going through your head?
I can tell you now: these are all self sabotaging thoughts!
And I can also tell you where this comes from after my own trial and error.
Not only do you receive a lot of limiting beliefs and old patterns from your parents or caregivers whilst growing up, it goes deeper than that.
Right back to your 2 million year old brain as Tony Robbins puts it so beautifully! In other words, your ancient brain and programming to survive.
Deep, deep down there is programming in your system that is based on survival, pure survival. I also call it my: ‘avoid pain brain’ … unfortunately, that programming is not really up to date. At least not if you haven't tweaked and upgraded it over the years.
So if it is still in the 'standard programming' that you were given at birth in this area, you also have to deal with the following unconscious rules of behaviour.
This knowledge is good to have right away - especially for me as I always found self-sabotage to sound very painful. Like you're doing something to harm yourself. Well, on the one hand that’s correct, but on the other hand it’s something ingrained in us all out of survival. ‘Oh, so not my fault', you may think now … haha … ummm yes and no.
Because now you know about it from this podcast, you can no longer hide behind it. By the end of this podcast you’ll have knowledge of the steps you can take to overwrite this programming, for good. So if you want to stay seemingly safe, you can stop listening now. That is also an option.
No, just kidding of course. The fact that you are listening to this podcast, is because of your powerful inner knowing. The part that directs you and makes you feel that something may have to change. Purely because you know you are here in life for a reason. A greater good - you may be feeling a mission, a life purpose bubbling in your deeper layers that wants to rise.
Or maybe just a feeling that you can't put into words yet, but a knowing that something has to change.
Well, that's great! Then you are in the right place. Because I haven’t just plucked this topic out of thin air - I have lived with self sabotage, experienced it then embraced it after damage and shame. I had that aha! moment too. That moment of insight, that moment of ‘Wow … this explains everything!’
I began to discover what works for myself. Perhaps you too are like me: sensitive and empathetic, but also with a gigantic drive and desire that propels you forward. A desire to be free from everything, free from the deep painful valleys that life offers you.
And the 3 self-sabotage pillars that I am about to give you, have helped me enormously with this drive.
The mind works so that you can only heal what you understand. That is why insight is power! Insight gives you the space to heal and then you can be free. Free to live a life on your terms. Unrestrained and liberated from your old patterns, beliefs and 2 million year old brain. You can laugh at them later … because you know forever and ever: I am no longer that and I will never be that again!
How wonderful does that sound? A breath of fresh air that brings space and freedom! Yes! I chose it and I am sure those listening to this now: you do too!
So on to the pillars for self sabotage.
#1 Running from what is unknown to what is known
This is a form of self-sabotage coming from your ancient survival programming.
It takes you back to the cave where you once lived with your tribe, all safe and protected. And if you put 1 foot outside the cave … that could mean the end. There might be a bear waiting there to immediately devour you. This ignorance alone was a gigantic threat: how did you get food? Who was going to protect you and provide a roof over your head if you got lost?
So what did you learn there? Is it wise to take that step into the unknown?
I can tell you: No! So what did you do then? Then you moved really quickly back to safety, and that is Pillar #1: Running from what is unknown back to what is known.
Back into that cave … but … look around you, not really a cave anymore, right? But a place that is 'seemingly safe'. Because I can tell you … stick your head outside and look around … I don't see a bear! You?
But this is also often the reason why people get stuck in toxic relationships … this is what they know. Or why people who live in areas with constant earthquakes continue to live there … it’s what they know.
Or why you stick with that job that has been making you unhappy for years … it’s what you know …
I always say: things always work out. And I must say. It’s true! So sometimes you take that step into the unknown and yes, most of the time it's exciting and scary while you’re getting used to it. But in no time, you will notice that it may have been the best choice you could have made. And haha - that there are no bears and that it is safe.
So Pillar #1: Make the unknown known and your life will change forever!
Self-sabotage Pillar #2: Fear of Rejection
This is really one that I have lived through as well. I can tell you, make the choice to develop as a medium and psychic. Then you will really feel it.
And yes, it took a long while before I even dared to pronounce the sentence: I am a medium. Years of personal transformation and development. And now I gladly send it out into the world. 'Cos I know I'm worth it. That I am good and good enough. And that's where the foundation lies.
If you have the slightest feeling that you are not good enough or not worth it - then you will sabotage yourself. You’ll make yourself small and will live to please. This ensures that you continue to be heard within the tribe, within the group. Because think back to that cave: if you run out on your own, your first threat is the bear, but then we also have the tribesmen who suddenly see you as an outsider. And possibly also a potential threat. Because who says you're not plotting with that bear? And maybe you will sneak him into the cave. Distrust is the result and then rejection.
Because if you were not allowed into the cave in the past:
1st danger: that bear or other form of threat
2nd danger: No roof over your head
3rd danger: No food from those who took care of you
So what is fear of rejection really? Ancient programming!
Until you are 18, it is indeed useful to belong to the family. Then a roof over your head and food on the table comes in handy. But once you're an adult you can immediately throw that fear of rejection overboard!
Or rather: Remove it from your subconscious programming immediately! Because you survive in a group but you also survive on your own!
It's that simple. So you can take steps in the direction of your dreams and wishes. It doesn't matter what others think. Those are their pain brains in overdrive.
This insight alone is going to be a salvation for you if you struggle with it!